God tur!

I recently had coffee with an old friend (well, not an "old" friend, but a high school friend), and we got into a conversation about "glue people." We were talking about social circles that gradually disintegrate a little and why that might happen. He was talking about how when a central person in the group goes away, the circles not quite a circle anymore. More like a curved line. (Ok, so the geometric analogy is mine.)

I think the quality "glue people" tend to share is that they are excellent at deflecting conflict. No one ever has a problem with them. They're good at keeping negative emotions from rising; they're good at deescalating things. And generally they are dependable--good listeners, they don't do anything wildly unpredictable that leaves all their friends going "Huh ... ?"

Anyway, sometimes I wish I were a glue person. It seems like it would be a nice thing to be. Not because I have a desire to be at the center of things or anything (and I don't think glue people think they are, or would really like to be either), but because I like communities. I like the idea of people sticking together and forming a dynamic as a group that they don't have as individuals or as pairs. I know a lot of people who seem to find community wherever they go, but this has never been a real talent of mine. I think instead I end up with this nostalgic feeling for communities I once had, and I keep chasing around the people who were part of that special thing. But, of course, it's not quite the same.

Anyway, I like glue people. I like that they exist, and I tip my hat to that effortless quality of graciousness they float around with, while I stumble through this whole relational thing like an elephant who's quite a bit more confused than she needs to be.